I Might Have Cancer

As if my life hasn't taken enough twists and turns, now I'm taking another sucker punch from life. At my son Timothy's six month checkup last Friday, I mentioned to my doctor that I've been feeling lethargic, to the point where if I'm sitting for longer than ten minutes, chances are good I'll be asleep. I've also been feeling lower abdominal pain. Before I knew it, I was on the exam table, and he's pressing on my belly. He pressed on my sore spot, and tears started flowing due to the pain. He sent me to the hospital to get an ultrasound performed.

The ultrasound technician was nice enough, and as she started taking pictures of my abdomen, I noticed she was taking an awful lot of pictures. All she could tell me was that she "found something". Turns out the "something" was three masses on my uterus.

Yesterday I'm at the Anticoagulation Therapy Unit getting my coumadin levels checked when I receive a phone call from the doctors office. Two of the masses could be explained away, but they said the one was consistent with one found on my uterus six months prior during my last pregnancy ultrasound, so they want to get it checked. They also found a hidden mass on my uterus, and a mass on my right ovary. So that brings the grand total to one on my ovary and two on my uterus. They ordered a CT scan and if necessary, a biopsy.

Due to my family history with cancer, I'm scared out of my freaking skull. I don't want to fight and lose. I don't want to leave my boys or my husband, and my parents have suffered enough losing two children due to illness. I don't want them to have to grieve for another child. I know that chances are good that it's nothing, but I don't want to take chances. If it means having a hysterectomy at 26, then that's what will happen. I refuse to back down, refuse to give up, and refuse to let this be a bookmark on my life and how it's seen. My cousin survived cervical cancer, and she often remarks that this is how others view her. She's not just a cancer survivor. She's a mother to three beautiful girls, a wonderful daughter, and a woman willing to sacrifice for her family. "Cancer" is a blip in the grand scheme of her life, and she hates knowing that it will be like a lone highlighted sentence in a book.

I have overcome so much. I have three blood clotting disorders that should have prevented me from having children, and yet I have two beautiful boys that are the light of my life. It also should have caused strokes or embolisms, and yet it was as if God himself touched me and prevented any further harm to me. I survived a suicide attempt in the seventh grade, lost six friends in four years during high school due to accidents (even seeing one of them t-boned by a cement truck right outside the high school parking lot), and have fought to make my marriage a good one (if not a little unorthodox :) ). So I see this as a learning and growing experience, a way to make another notch in the post of bad situations in my life that I've overcome.

In the meantime, I guess all I can do is cross my fingers, pray to god, and hope for a good outcome to this. Let's hope all I lose is a few days due to stress. :)